It's been 41 years since the first and last time that we set eyes on each other. I don't remember anything about that event. I'm sure you do.
Every year, on the day of my birth, I think about you... about being adopted.
All day.
I think about how you're thinking about me. Wondering if I'm okay. If you made the right choice. Probably a lot of other thoughts too.
On my 18th birthday, my Mother was so excited to share all the contents of my adoption folder with me. I loved hearing all about you and my Biological Father. It appears that I am a lot like him in personality and looks. I always tell myself that when the time is right, I'll make the necessary call and find you.
I guess it's not time yet.
I have daydreams about having you wait at a bus stop while I'm on the third story of a building. Watching your every move and nuance. Do I look like you?
Some of my fellow adoptees believe that adoption is the easy way out.
That is not how I feel.
I think that placing your child for adoption is one of the most difficult decisions that a parent can make.
Prior to December 19, 2009, I didn't fully understand the sacrifice that you made.
Since losing Alexander, I can't imagine choosing to live without your child. I feel connected to all that you no longer have. Not as my Biological Mother but as a person that has lost.
I hope that your heart doesn't stop beating for me, like mine does for Alexander.
I hope that you know that you made the right decision.
If not for You... For Me.
If we ever meet, whether in person or otherwise, there are two words that I have been saving for 41 years...
Thank you.
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To All My Friends: As always, please feel free to ask me any questions about my adoption.
Besos, The Zoo
Oh Sarah, I have such mixed emotions when it comes to my biological mother. I don't think I've ever believed what she did was easy. I can't even say it was her decision. 41 years ago (which happens to be coming up on me right away) things were much different. It might have been her decision but since she still a kid essentially (18) it could have been a choice that was made for her by pressure from family. I have no idea.
ReplyDeleteBut my mixed feelings have nothing to do with her decision to let me have a family. She didn't know that wouldn't work out well. How could she?
Sarah...excellent letter. My eyes filled up with tears as reading it. I guess I dont know what it's like b/c I have both of my real parents and have for 29 yrs now. I dont know what its like not to know my parents and not sure how i feel about it.
ReplyDeleteI just always wonder why people can give their kids up.
Wow Sarah, what a wonderful letter. I love your view of your adoption and how you feel about your biological mother. I hope one day she gets to meet you. She'd be proud to know what a wonderful woman you've turned out to be:) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope it's a GREAT day!
ReplyDeleteThat's a poignant letter, Sarah. And a very eye opening comparison of how difficult a decision to give a child up for adoption must be. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteI love this post - thank you for sharing your most personal insights.
ReplyDeleteI got very teary reading that. I love the honesty and emotion that comes through with your writing
ReplyDeleteThis letter was so deeply moving. Thank you for sharing it, Sarah. Your openness, integrity, courage and grace never cease to inspire me.
ReplyDeleteYou are a precious gift to my world. I also would like to thank your biological mother for the selfish reason that she set in motion events that would lead to us meeting someday.
Happiest of Birthdays, dear Sarah.
<3 Rae
That was very touching. Thank you for sharing that with us.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, really touched me. Thank you for sharing this, I never get it when people say it to me, however now I do. Hugs Chelsea x
ReplyDeleteThat is beautiful! I can't even imagine how hard it would be to make the choice to give a child up for adoption; definitely not an easy thing to do. I look forward to the post when you do decide to meet your birth parents.
ReplyDeleteWhat a special & sweet post! Happy Birthday to you. I'm sure your biological mom is thinking of you today too. :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this was so sweet and beautiful. I believe both woman are proud to be your Moms. I cannot imagine the loss of a child, and I think it is awesome that you see the gift she gave you with your family.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Sarah, it brought a tear to my eye.
ReplyDeleteIt is the hardest thing any mother ever could have to do. It is the action of a mother determined to do what is best for her child even though it's not what's best for her. And I know she does think of you. All. The. Time. <3
ReplyDeleteFrom what I have been told my mother was very young and her family not wealthy enough to allow her to keep me. As a result of her selflessness I had parents who loved and cherished me. Do I ever think about her--on occasion. Does she ever think about me-possibly. Back when I was adopted no information was allowed to be given thus unless I want to disrupt her life as well as my own and my Mom's--I will continue on with my life.
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching way to honor your mother, even though you don't know her, you are forever connected.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
That brought tears to my eyes! I'm glad you biological mother chose to give you life and share you with your mom. I'm sure she thinks of you every day. Happy Birthday to you and to me tomorrow :) Too bad we can't go out to celebrate!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing such emotion and vulnerability.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and hugs. Wishing you a wonderful day.
xoxo
What a beautiful letter. Tears in my eyes friend...I just want to hug you!
ReplyDeleteYou have a beautiful and big heart, what a loving message to your Mom. I hope she can read this. Thanks for stopping by!
ReplyDeleteFollowing you back and thanks for stopping by.
This is a touching letter Sarah. I hope the day will come when you get to meet your biological mom and have a real heart to heart talk. Take care and my best wishes to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am sure this was so hard to write. Thank you! I have quite a few adoptees in my life. My step mom adopted my brother and sister from Korea, my cousin was adopted from Korea, and my Aunt adopted her daughter from Guatemala.
ReplyDeleteMy brother and sister are amazing and have such good heads on their shoulders, thanks to the amazing job my step mom did. They have some detachment issues I think slightly because they were not only given up by their biological parents, but then their adopted father left them. I don't think they would change a single thing now though.
My uncle asked my cousin if she would want to go to Korea to find her birth parents. Her repose was "I already know who my parents are, they are here. They raised me.
I don't think she is resentful, I think she is so thankful for all the amazing opportunities she has had.
It is such an interesting topic, thank you for sharing. I can't imagine giving up my dog to anyone right now, let alone when I have kids in my life. Beautiful story!
20somethingbusinesswoman.com
How utterly honest and beautiful that was. I think you're right - she does think about you and wonder if she made the right choice. She probably hopes every day your life is amazing, but hurts because she isn't the one who could give it to you. You are very brave for sharing, and I'm glad you did!
ReplyDeleteStacey L
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I hope when your ready that you get to meet your biological parents and you get answers to all the unanswered questions you have.
That's such a sweet letter. My mother was adopted too. She's always longed for her biological family.
ReplyDelete