Avery's Act of Kindness Fundraiser for an NICU Incubator {Cause}

Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way you planned it.

While I was 25 weeks pregnant with Triplets, Baby A, Alexanders' membranes ruptured (PROM).

While this can signal impending labour, for reasons unknown, I didn't end up going into premature labour until 30 weeks, 3 days.

Yes, the days matter.

International Bereaved Mother's Day. You Have Been Chosen {Loss}

Want to join a club that has a life-time membership, no financial fee, does not discriminate and has you rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous?

Sounds too good to be true or something out of Rumpelstilskin?

Pretty close except this is no fairy tale and admission is the life of your child.

Letter to My Biological Mother {Adoption}

It's been 41 years since the first and last time that we set eyes on each other. I don't remember anything about that event. I'm sure you do.

Every year, on the day of my birth, I think about you... about being adopted.

All day.

Ronald McDonald House is Making a Difference in Your Community {Cause}

Every November, Nanna, The Kids and I load up toys and other needed items and donate them to those in need.

We do it in Alexander's Honour and also to teach the kids a sense of charity.

It's important to our family.

For the past two years, the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO) and The Ottawa General Hospital have been the recipients of our gifts.

This year was different.

After hearing a touching letter from a parent that had been supported by Ronald McDonald House (read by Cathy Loblaw at ShesConnected 2012), I knew that Ronald McDonald House Ottawa would be this year's recipient.

Have you Experienced Loss? Do you Talk about It?

I've experienced loss.

I lost my son Alexander when we was an infant.

I don't talk about Alexander that much. Not because I don't want to.

Give me any excuse to talk about all of my kids and I'm in. Some would just say "give me any excuse to talk" and leave it at that.

Besides, there's so much to share. All 31 weeks, 5 days of stories worth (yes, the 5 days count, smile).

Remember that time that we went to New York and brought him back a lousy t-shirt. And all the things that we're doing in his honour.

And just today, all three of the kids watched a movie together. Dora the Explorer of course. It's not Alexander and Max's favourite but Artemis usually gets her way.

And that's usually the extent of my story telling.

It's hard to explain that...

• While I'm grateful for Max and Artemis, they don't take away from the sadness that I feel over losing Alexander. I'd liken it to comparing apples to oranges,

• I say goodnight to Alexander every night and give him a kiss,

• The kids have to share with him. I even let them tease him sometimes,

• We talk about him and include him in our every day life. Even though he is not here,

• I think Max and Artemis believe that every one has a Brother that looks like a bear and sits on a shelf.

Sigh.

Just know that I don't not talk about him because it hurts too much.

Quite the contrary.

Besos, The Zoo

Much Anticipated Review of my Mailbox Contents

Here's another installment of the much anticipated, never duplicated (but often attempted) insanity that is our mailbox.

1. JustBYou
This story of compassion starts with a "win by default". Some things are not a coincidence.

My prize, one personalized dog tag! Note that personalized/monogrammed items are currently right up there with my love of collecting buttons and sewing machines (note to self, give up the sewing machine obsession and exchange it for something smaller). Anyways, a lovely, personalized dog tag. What to put on it?

I hummed and hawed and finally, I decided to ask the artist herself, Kim (well actually, her daughter is the artist but work with me here). Kim made things a lot easier (or tougher depending on how you look at it) by offering me THREE dog tags. Wow! I immediately knew that I wanted a "Zoo" themed one and one for Alexander.

With the help of Kim and her daughter, they designed and hand-stamped (how neat is that) the following two tags (in the end I felt that three would be too many). Sorry about the poor picture quality (I think I've lost my credibility as I've blamed the problem on the camera too many times).

When I received them, I knew right away that I wanted to put them on my keychain. To have them with me all the time. I shared this sentiment with Kim as I wanted her to know how important they were to me. Her response; so as not to minimize any heartache over possibly losing my tags, her daughter would make me a second set for safe keeping (on Alexander's shelf). Meeting these kind souls was no coincidence!

For those of you that don't know the quote reference, it was on Alexander's baptism certificate. We didn't choose it ourselves but it has come to mean so much.

You'd think that having the tags rubbing up against my keys and purse items would make them all scratched but they're holding up nicely. Besides, I want them to look and feel loved (yes, I just wrote that, see, I'm a softie).

If you have any need for anything, you should check out Kim's etsy shop, Just By U as they sell everything but the kitchen sink including Candy (hello, Praline Cashews, yum), cards and suncatchers. Something for everyone!

2. Tweet Heart
I’m sure you've noticed the prominent use of our "Z" logo. I made it myself. I know hard to believe that it wasn't made by a professional (I get that all the time, smile). When I won a $25 gift certificate for wall art, I knew that something "Zoo themed" was in our future.

With the patience of a giant, Sunny worked with me to create a custom piece of genius. The purpose behind the greatness was that I will mount the vinyl lettering on particle board, frame it and hang in on the wall. The advantage of this is that I can take it with us when we move. No plans yet but it’s inevitable, we're "The Zoo"...

So, pretend that what I described above has been done. Doesn't it look great! If I waited for my vision to be complete, I wouldn't get out this post. Ed just suggested that we put it on our front door (that has a large glass panel), it would fit perfectly...

Bare walls? Need a simple and affordable change on a budget? Don’t know what you want but know you want something? Stop by Sunny’s shop, Tweet Heart and look around. You will not be disappointed with the process, price or quality (I got all this for $25 and it included shipping!).

3. Brandy Cattoor
When Brandy a.k.a. Artist Extraordinaire told me that I had won a 3.5" x 2.5" oil on canvas portrait, I knew exactly which picture I would pick.

We have a bunch of pictures of Alexander but the one (in the middle) stands out as our favourite. The really neat thing is that we have the exact same pose and proportion of one of Max. Don’t they look identical (note to readers, they are identical).

I emailed Brandy the picture with a request to make it look like he didn't have tubes/was in the hospital. I felt badly asking her to paint a picture of a child that had passed away (although not in this picture) and I told her so. She was compassionate but did not seem concerned that she wasn't up to the challenge.

We are so pleased with the results. Can you believe that this picture was painted by hand! I can't put into words how much it means to have a tangible picture of Alexander looking back at me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If you have any portrait requirements or would love a beautiful piece of art, please stop by Brandy's Shop and take a look around.

4. The Orange WindMill
I'm running a social experiment. It's a surprise.

What I can tell you is that you should get a good look at this journal because you might not see it again for a long time (if ever).

Why get all excited about a journal? Well, this isn't any ordinary journal. Besides the fact that it's going to change the world as we know it (okay, maybe not but I like to think BIG), it's made from leather and was hand stiched by Shirley in Hamilton (yah, another Canadian)! See, no ordinary journal.

Want to look like the consummate professional? Check out all the different colours and sizes of journals and other business-like things in Shirley's Shop. Support Canadian!

Thank you So Much!

  Besos, The Zoo

A Creative and Heartfelt Tea Party for Three

Since we've been back from Mexico, The Kids have been having regular tea parties... for three.

On a daily basis, they have been asking for Alexander's picture and involving him in their play.

Alexander (or "Allie Bear" as Artemis calls him, named after the bear that Nanna wears around her neck) is so involved that he has meals with us (he's now covered in eggs and peas that Artemis constantly tries to feed him), is fought over and sometimes teased.

Yesterday, I had to remind the kids to be nice to their brother because Artemis had rolled him up into a ball and Max had thrown him in the garbage. Not the kind of Sibling Rivalry that I imagined but we're no typical Zoo.

In the morning they say "hi" to him and in the evening give him a kiss before bed. Totally adorable.

My kids probably think that everyone has a brother that sits in a picture frame on his own shelf.

Besos, The Zoo

Poppa's Visit, New Teeth, Blood Donation and More

Sorry for the lack of posting. It hasn't been due to the lack of content (as you're about to see) but because I’ve been busy and the internet has been down. Also, I haven’t taken a picture in (almost) a week. Thankfully, Poppa took tons (all the pictures on this post are his, or me taking them with his camera).

Poppa arrived on Wednesday.

You know the saying; buy a child a toy, throw out the toy and let them play with the box. We’ve done one better; buy yourself a toy, keep said toy and let them play with the box. For Poppa's entire visit, the kids played with the box from his new 46" plasma flat screen tv.




On Thursday, I was scheduled to give blood as part of my In Alexander's Honour post. My appointment was for 1:50pm so I arrived 15 minutes early (I could have sworn that they told me to arrive early…). First mistake (read: virgin blood donor). While I was signing in (I had an appointment), people who had appointments at 1:10pm were just arriving. They gave me a "First Time Donor" sticker to wear (read: who knew that giving blood was so confusing) and had me sit at the "I'm here too early and there's nowhere to put me" table and offered me food and drink (I read a book that I brought). When it was my turn, I went to the next stage. The woman there entered me into the system and took some blood (a pin prick) to ensure that I was not anemic (my reading was 146, it needed to be 125 or higher). She gave me a questionnaire and booklet and told me to go to the "polling booth" (okay, not really but it looked exactly like one) and complete my paperwork. The next step required me to meet with a nurse. At this stage, she took my blood pressure. My reading was 95/52. For those of you who don't know, that’s really low (which is normal for me). It needs to be 90/50 so she asked me a ton of questions; Had I eaten two meals, Drank a lot? She insisted that I go back to the recuperation table for a snack and drink before donating but not before we reviewed the "standard" questionnaire. One of the questions was “Have you been outside of Canada or the US for less than 6 months in the past year. To which I answered "Yes". As you all know, we returned from Mexico at the end of March after a 3.5 month stay. Then, as she’s flipping through her handy, dandy flip chart, she asked me "exactly" where we’d been. Had I been to "Chiapa de Corzo"? Well, I'd driven “through” this city as it is 30 minutes from San Cristobal de las Casas (it’s at the bottom of the mountain right beside Tuxtla Gutierrez, the capital of the State of Chiapas). However, I answered "No, that's not where I've been". She then informed me that I was ineligible to donate due to risk of Malaria. What? There isn’t any malaria in SCLC (World Malaria Risk Chart. Trust me, if there was, the Travel Clinic that we go to would have notified us, we would have taken pills, not have taken the kids, or not have gone at all... I was disappointed (to say the least). Now, I must contact Red Cross and convince them that I am not at risk of Malaria.

In the evening, Poppa and I managed to plant the garden (before the mosquitos counted as an unofficial blood donation). We planted; beets, radishes, lettuce, spinach, green beans, peppers and cucumbers. I’m so excited.

On Friday, Artemis got her first molar (“B”). “N” and “Q” are almost in. That makes nine teeth for her. It kind of makes sense because she’s had a few "situations" this week. One (okay it’s happened more than once) of those "situations" involves the use of said teeth. Yes, she's been biting Max and I... daily. Whenever either of us does something she doesn’t like, she bites. She hasn’t really sunk her teeth into me (I'm watching for it) but poor Max... I'll need to research our plan of action but I would appreciate any thoughts.

On Sunday, Max’s teeth ("N", "Q" and molar "C") all popped through the skin. Poor kid. We knew that it was coming as he’s been chewing on his hand for a few days. Considering he’s had three teeth coming in at once, he’s been in great spirits.


In the evening, Poppa babysat the kids and Ed and I went to Finnerty’s. Unfortunately, we didn’t stay but had fun “tearing up the streets of Kemptville”. Okay, not really but I can’t admit that we were home by 7:30pm…

On Saturday, Poppa babysat the kids (are you sensing a trend?) and Ed and I went out to a Cooper auction. The auctioneer didn’t have any helpers so Ed offered to hold up items. We bought a ton of junk (for $6) but had a great time.

Ed got the kids a little convertible complete with horn and useable trunk. It runs on “ped-power” (like the Flintstones). It is only intended for ONE person. Try to tell them that.



Poppa read to them every night (as well as during the day, they love books).


Poppa left today after the kids went down for their morning nap (this week they added a short afternoon nap, probably because they’re teething). The kids loved having him here (evidenced by the fact that when we came back from the auction sale yesterday, they didn’t even notice that we were there) and Ed and I really appreciate all his help (he even found time to walk the dogs!).

In the afternoon, The Sheriff and Ed dismantled an internet tower (the owners gave it to us for free) and reassembled it at our place. I didn’t get any pictures of our two neighbours helping stand it up (because I couldn’t find the camera). Hopefully, our internet provider will be over tomorrow to re-set our antennae. We’ve barely had phone service since a week this past Friday. We had Eric over for dinner.

The kids have been eating two flats of fruit a day (in addition to their morning banana and afternoon orange). Thankfully, we haven’t had any “poo problems” (because I’m sure that you were wondering).



Today, the kids decided that they wanted to go outside (once in the morning and once in the afternoon). They asked for their hats (read: pointed at the bookcase and grunted), put them on and then waited at the front door. Too cute.




Tonight, the kids had their first taste of ice cream, including a cone (I know, they’re so impoverished) and I couldn’t find the camera (note that I have since found it). They haven’t really figured out how to “lick” yet so it was pretty funny to watch (and thankfully not too dirty).

Update on Reina. Reina’s knee is doing great, better than expected. We are having a hard time keeping her from acting like a normal dog. We have to separate her and Phoenix because all they want to do is play. We also have to leash Reina because she wants to run. She is scheduled to have her staples taken out on Thursday. Hopefully after that, she can go about life as usual.

Update on Haiku contest. Ed has reviewed all the (one) submissions and Amy has won the prize. Seriously, she is going to receive a prize and all my other followers (Hi Mom and Dad) have missed out on said prize.

  Besos, The Zoo

In Alexander's Honour

I wanted to post this on December 19th, the one year anniversary of Alexander's passing. However, we will be on our way to Mexico so here it is.

As many of you know, I have been struggling to decide what to do to honour Alexander's life. Many people; plant trees, release balloons, create plaques, raise money, etc... While all are great ideas, none of them seemed quite right for Alexander. I've decided that instead of one unique item or special event, once a year, Alexander is going to give life and happiness every day.

Here are a few of the things that we've done;

1. I've started to donate blood. When Alexander was sick, he needed a blood transfusion. I would want other parents to have the gift that we/he got. I can’t imagine what would have happened if someone hadn’t selfishly given of themselves.
   
2. I've registered with the Bone Marrow Donor Registry (http://www.onematch.ca/). The donation procedure has gotten a lot easier over the years and 85% of life saving donations is made via a blood donation. Perhaps I could save a life. I would want the same for my children.
   
3. I have been in correspondence with a woman in Nelson, B.C. whose daughter is sick and she needs breast milk (http://healinganaya.blogspot.com/). Alexander's first meal was formula (my milk hadn't yet come in) and I always wonder what would have been if he'd had breast milk. If I'd asked one of the mothers in the NICU for some of theirs. NEC is higher (in preemies) that are formula fed. Currently, she has enough milk but when we get back from Mexico I hope to send her some.
   
4. For the past year, on a monthly basis I have been dropping off clothes and other items to CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario). It feels good to know that children in need will benefit from our donations.

It's easy to remember all that I do have; two beautiful, happy and healthy children, a loving and supportive husband and my health. It's impossible to forget what I have lost; my dear Alexander.

I will continue to strive to do my best for me, my family and in Alexander's memory.

  Besos, The Zoo

Remembering those that are Gone but Not Forgotten {Loss}

If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift. --Elizabeth Edwards

I came across this today. I couldn't have said it better myself.

  Besos, The Zoo

More Then Just a Quarter to this Baby Loss Mother

Today is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day".

Lots of people have lost a child, however, when you're going through the loss yourself, it seems like you're the only one in the entire world..

People don't talk about it very much.

I get it. No one wants to talk about dead babies.

This is my life.

The good news, I have been in contact with a lot of really great women who have been supporting me through this lifelong journey. Unfortunately, they can support me because they too have lost a child.

Today I want to share with you the story about a woman that gave me a quarter.

But not just any quarter.