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Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Mama Bear Haven on Becoming a Mother at 41 with Linky {Canadian}

I Am Canadian Feature for May is Mama Bear Haven

Journeys of The Zoo's "I Am Canadian" Feature for May is...

Mama Bear Haven!

While I wasn't in my 40's when I had The Kids, I was 37 so I can definitely relate to the physical aches and pains that Tammy experienced. Please take the time to read Tammy's story and show your support by leaving a comment below about,

The Struggles of Becoming a Mother at 41.

As a little girl I dreamed of a life with a prince, becoming a mom and finally living happily ever after, however as I grew I discovered that the fairytale life I dreamed of was just a fantasy on not going to happen for me.

This is my story of how the wrong choices, heartache, loss and learning led to that fantasy becoming a reality and my dreams coming true.

When we are young we start looking to find happiness and fulfill our dreams. In order to start a family, we have to find a suitable man. How at a young age do we know who is right for us and who is not? For me, if my heart felt it, I went with it.

At the age of 24, I met someone and we eventually moved in together. Shortly after that came an unplanned pregnancy. So began the dream of becoming a mom. It turned out to be a very stressful and strange relationship that I stayed in because I was having a baby. About five months into the pregnancy, my worst nightmare happened, my water broke. I knew what was happening, but the reality was not sinking in. We went to the hospital and I spent the next few hours in labour and delivery. I was told that I would be delivering my baby but he would not survive. He took his last breath an hour after he was born. The world around me came crumbling down, I lost my baby, my relationship was over.

My dreams were shattered. But eventually I moved on.

My next relationship lasted for about 10 years, on again, off again. I may have chosen him for certain reasons and that kept me going back. With no luck in having a child with this partner and the way the relationship was going, we called it quits and went our separate ways.

By now I am at the age of 36 and I feel that my life is definitely not going the way my dreams started as a child. It seemed that I would be alone and not become a mom. I began thinking that after the first pregnancy I wasn't able to become pregnant again after 5 years of trying in the past relationship.

During this part of my life I learned many things about myself and people in general. I began to go with my gut feelings and not my heart so much.

I eventually met and started to date someone that I knew through friends. I had my reservations about this relationship, but what I had saw was someone who had their head on straight, knew what they wanted and went for it. We wanted the same things.

So began the next chapter of my life.

I explained my theories of possibly not being able to have children, with a response something like "Oh, you will get pregnant, it will happen with me". So after awhile we began to try, with no signs ever of it happening. Like I had said, it wasn't going to happen. Then one day it did, I was so excited, just to know that it happened and my suspicions were wrong. That dream again was shattered with the loss at an early stage, this happened a few times during the relationship and my dream of becoming a mom was again gone. After two years with this partner, so was the relationship. Although my heart was broken, it was for the best. Again I learned to trust my gut, more than my heart. I finally listened to myself.

At 39, how do you start over? How do you put yourself back out there and find happiness? I had already given up on the hopes of having a baby, so why not give up the dream of spending my life with someone. So that is exactly what I did. I gave up and went on with my life alone.

One day I came home from a night out with friends to find a Facebook message asking me if I was the same Tammy from years ago. I knew by his name I was. We had met 25 or so years ago and dated on and off for a year or so. At that time in my life I was having fun. I was young and had no cares in the world. We had moved on. Over the years I had thought about him now and again, I even tried to find him on Facebook myself.

After getting reacquainted and committing to each other, we decided that at our age (6 years older than me) we would just spend our life together without children. Then one day he changed his mind. He wanted to give me a baby. Within two months, I was late and my mind was racing. Was it just me over thinking and praying that had made me late or was I really pregnant? The home pregnancy test proved that were going to be have a baby! My dreams began again. This was truly a magical time. According to calculations, (she was) conceived on the first anniversary of my dads death.

And so began the start of my happy ending.

It wasn't an easy pregnancy for me, I was sick a lot. There wasn't anything that I ate that didn't upset my stomach. However, I finally made it to 37 weeks and had my own baby shower.

The next morning, when I arrived home from my daily walk, I had visions of the guy who lived below us walking out the door and my water breaking over his head (yes my mind is warped). I went inside sat down on the couch and sure enough, my water broke.

Six hours later, I gave birth naturally to my beautiful angel Madisen. I spent the next few days in the hospital where they monitored my baby for jaundice. On the third day, we were both released however, a few days later, we were back in the ER due to her jaundice getting more serious. It was a rough night. All I wanted was to be at home with my daughter. I spent the night watching, feeding and changing my child. The next day we were released.

Tammy and Her Daughter
I have always heard throughout life that things happen for a reason.

I have finally found the reasons behind my poor choices in life.

It has given me the most precious gift of all.

My daughter.

Sometimes the waiting does pay off.

My ever after Fairy tale...

Connect with Tammy via her blog, Mama Bear Haven, Facebook and Twitter.

Tammy is a Stay-at-Home Mom to one child, two cats and a dog living in Toronto. She enjoys baking, crafty and bicycling around the city. Soon to start a new business of handmade gifts called Mama Bears Crafty Crate, while helping hubby set up an at home bicycle repair business.

Thank you Tammy from Mama Bear Haven!

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Month: Company
April 2013YYZ Bambina
March 2013Ottawa Valley Fiber Arts
February 2013Gone With The Family
January 2013Treasures from the Ark
December 2012Sadieloohoo
November 2012Life After My Kids
October 2012MommiesFirst
September 2012Current Works of Glass

Journeys of The Zoo  Besos, The Zoo


  1. Great post. Thank you for sharing your story with us Tammy.

  2. What a powerful story! Motherhood is quite the journey at any age :)

  3. What an awesome story - you never know what twists and turns life will take. I am glad for a happy ending to this one!

  4. what a touching and beautiful story! It really affirms that everything happens for a reason!

  5. What a beautiful story, there is someone out there for everyone and it happens when you least expect it. Things do happen for a reason. :)

  6. Timing 'is' all works out. I had my first at 40!

  7. I am so glad that you all enjoyed my story. I appreciate the comments. It was a struggle for me and I am sure for many others. Thanks to the Zoo for featuring me this month. Be sure to visit my blog for more of lifes ups and downs.

  8. Great post! I love this blog. You know I do. Keep it up sweetie!

  9. Love your story! I am only 23 and have 2 little ones, Idk if I could keep up at 41, I have a hard time now! But you sound like you are having a great time :D

    Teresa@ Freebies 4 My Family :D Come Visit!

  10. Great post Tammy!!! Very inspirational!

  11. I was a teenage mom at 17 and an older mom at 35 and 37. I consider it two extremes. At 17, although I love my daughter to bits, it was about me. My schooling, my job, my career, my alone time, me, me, me. Thank goodness she is a well adjusted 21 year old in university. I did something right. Now parenting my two little guys is completely different. I am content as to where I got in my career, in my jobs, my schooling. My focus is no longer me, it's all about them. I have more patience and I am willing to try different parenting techniques to see what works. I stay at home with them because I do not want to miss out on all their firsts (first walk, first words, first smile, etc) like I did with my daughter. Older moms rock!

  12. Wonderful story! Children are indeed precious gifts. Thank you for posting! Moms need support from friends and family at any age. Sharing your story helps other women see that they are not alone.